Friday, April 30, 2010

April 30th 2010 - Loss



My Mom
May 21 - April 30, 1987









We all have them. Those days that are embedded in our heart, and that change us completely. Today is that day for me. April 30th, 1987. I was a young girl when my best friend died. My Mom. If anything motivates me, it's the stacks of pictures and stories I haven't got. It's the stories behind many of the pictures that I can no longer get. It's the pieces of memories I can't get and she can no longer pass on to me and to my son. Each year, as April 30th comes by, I alternately dread it, and welcome it. I dread it for the obvious play of emotions that hit me. I welcome it because it is a connection with her. The only one I can have anymore. Oh.. other than my wedding day. I was married on May 21st because that is her birthday. I felt like it was a way to honour her, and to have her with me that day. I look for ways to have her with me. Two quotes come to mind:







"We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love."
by Baronne Anne Louside Germaine Necker de Stal Stal.
and the other one is:
"I answer the heroic question 'death, where is thy sting' with 'It is here in my heart and mind and memories.'"
by Maya Angelou
April 30th is still such a hard day for me, and yet, here I am... a married Mother, many many years later. You move forward, but part of you remains. At least ... part of me remained.

My Mom was Katherine (Kit) MacKenzie McCarthy. She was such an amazing woman. Lived for her children. Loved her children more than life itself. She lived for her grandchildren, though she passed away before some were even born... including my own child. She was spiritual and kind and intensely sweet and ladylike. Where DID I come from??? And she had no idea about the internet, but she would have loved it!

Mom... meet my friends!

8 comments:

Lynn said...

hugs and prayers my friend. lost my mom a few years ago and its still w/me. i can tell you the pain does gradually ease.

Lisa Dorsey said...

Sending hugs to you today. Wonderful tribute to your mom. I bet she is smiling down on you from heaven.

Bobbi said...

I am sorry for your loss. I believe there are some losses that you never get over but that becomes easier over time. I lost my dad three years ago and I still think of him almost everyday. He died 2 months before I had my DS (which was almost born on his birthday) so he never got to meet him. I am just thankful for all of the good memories I have and that my DD has of spending time with Pappap. I think this is a great way to honor your mother's memory. BTW, my DD's birthday is May 21st as well. My thoughts are with you today.

Marlene said...

It's wonderful to know that you had such a loving relationship with your mom. I do with mine, as well.

My mother in law just passed away a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know her very well (she had advanced Alzheimer's by the time I came into the family).

Here's a big cyber hug to you. Treasure the memories.

Denine said...

Thank you for sharing such a piece of you in your post today. You put in words what so many of us feel but don't know how to communicate.

Bless you with happy memories always!

Casey Wright said...

Wow - what a great blot post - so heartfelt - I'm sending hugs to you :) *hugs*

Linda said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mother. Your words are touching and poignant. {{hugs}} to you.

vtpuggirl said...

This is beautifully written, and I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you today and everyday.